Our focus for parent equipping this month is learning about emotional regulation. In order to manage our emotions we must be able to identify and understand our emotions. We cannot always control how we feel however, we can control how we respond. Managing our emotions is critical for living a healthy (mind and body) and a balanced life. An inability to recognize and control our emotions is commonly misconstrued for behavioral issues in children. When a child is struggling with certain behaviors we should ask why? For example, a child is frequently avoiding a task. The obvious answer is they just don’t want to do it. Sometimes this response is to easy. While avoidance is certainly an undesired response there can be an underlying reason such as anxiety or the child does not know how to perform the task. From this perspective we can see that punishment or consequences is the not the best strategy to redirect or replace this behavior. Some behaviors are a result of lacking the skill. The child does not have the skill to behave otherwise. Unregulated emotions are the root cause of many behavioral challenges.

Skill: Emotional Competence refers to skills to recognize, interpret and respond constructively to emotions

Skill: Emotional Regulation/Control is the process of recognizing, controlling emotions and reactions to emotions

What are emotions?

Emotion: is a feeling, reaction, response or sensation to an experience or situation. Our thoughts impact our emotions and nervous system. Our thoughts can drive our emotions. Sensory processing challenges can impact our emotions.

Anxious is one of the emotions we will highlight this month since it is increasingly prevalent in children. We want to build the ability to recognize, interpret and respond constructively to our emotions. We want to have the words to identify our emotions and have an understanding of how our emotions impact our daily life. We cannot manage what we cannot identify or understand. It is important that the child know and understand that it is okay to be anxious. We are all anxious at some point however, being excessively and frequently anxious can be unhealthy and damaging. Learning coping strategies is critical in order to minimize and manage anxiety. Coping is a healthy habit that we all want to build.

Our Strategy is building a language for our emotions:

• define emotion

• interpret emotion - what does it feel and look like. Acquiring words to interpret the emotion

Emotion: Anxious

Anxious means worry, uneasy, jumpy, jitter, nervous, tense, eager, or uncomfortable

What does anxious feel like?

Stomach ache, sweating, wanting to leave, unsure what to do, or wanting to know what will happen next. This feeling makes it hard to focus or listen. 

What does anxious look like?

Uncomfortable, moving, jumpy, tapping feet, tapping hands, hard to do work, or stay still. Repetitive behavior or avoidance of activity. Can look like we are inflexible (stuck on something)or oppositional.

When can we get anxious?

Uncertainty (not knowing), unpredictability, changes, unpleasant previous experience in the situation or location. Thinking you have no control over situation.

Why do we get anxious? 

Not enough information such as new places, new tasks, new teacher/person or new experience. Sometimes we don’t know why we feel that way. Our body feels uncomfortable.

Who get's anxious?

Everyone

Where can one get anxious?

It can happen anywhere but sometimes it happens in places where we have to do many tasks work or school. Places and activities with high expectations and time constraints. Such as sporting event or debate competition.

Below are exercises and activities to help build emotional language and understanding of emotions.

Build Skill: Emotion recognition by playing games that you match word to the emotion

• Show pictures with facial expression of emotions/feeling:

  • label each expression

• Model the emotions- playing charades

• Identify emotions and responses to emotions in movies, funny videos on you tube Video

•  Identify emotions in others in your outings

Build Skill:   Recognizing the emotion in the him or herself. Ensuring child has the words to describe the emotion

• How does it feel for me to have this emotion? Providing wording is important

• How can I describe my feeling or experience?

• Does this emotion feel different for others? 

Advanced skill:

       The words to describe the thoughts/thinking that lead to this emotion.

Our next lesson will discuss calm as an emotion to balance anxious. Understanding how to achieve calm to counter anxious is learning coping.