After spending thousands of hours with the neurodivergent community as part of my work, and from my young adult children's perspective, I have learned how important it is to understand their thinking and learning process, which is critical if you will impact skill building. Secondly, I would say knowing the skills that your child needs is the most important thing. A diagnosis identifies the deficits that lead to the diagnosis. However, your focus is on how your child can build skills to bridge these skills gaps to the best of their ability.

The autism diagnosis led me to learn more about brain functioning and how that is related to skill acquisition for social competency. The neurodivergent brain thinks and learns differently. As for all of us, there are skill gaps. My journey to understand and support the neurodivergent community allowed me to self-reflect on my thinking and learning style. I self-examined and learned that we could all use skill-building in social competency. So, it is essential to understand the skills behind our ability to communicate and connect socially.

One of the skills I have learned about extensively is cognitive flexibility/flexible thinking. Cognitive flexibility is one of three mental processes that allows one to manage one's thoughts, actions, and emotions to get things done. Executive function is a set of mental processes (working memory, cognitive flexibility, and inhibitory control) that involve managing oneself and one's resources to achieve a goal. It also involves mental control and self-regulation.

If your child is in elementary, you may hear feedback that your child struggles to get started/initiate a task, stay on task, transition from one task to another, stay calm, or follow directions.

When looking at the skills listed above, mental flexibility is required. For those with Autism or ADHD, this can often be challenging, requiring coaching, instruction, and support. For different reasons in ASD than in ADHD, executive functioning is impacted by both conditions. In ASD, you witness restrictive interests/thinking and repetitive behavior. In ADHD, you see hyper-focused attention or distractibility, making shifting thinking difficult.

We all have a certain level of inflexibility and could all work on increasing our flexible thinking. When we have a neurodivergent child, we must pay close attention to the fact that we are flexible enough to adjust our expectations to accommodate the child’s needs. Their process and learning are different, so we must avoid imposing our learning style on them. We must be flexible in understanding that their process differs from ours and how we can support their learning and encourage flexibility without being forceful.

This article focuses on promoting social understanding alongside strategies to build awareness of others’ thoughts and feelings/perspective-taking, which requires flexible thinking.

Cognitive Flexibility/Flexible thinking refers to the brain’s ability to transition from thinking about one concept to another.  The quicker you can switch or 'shift' your thinking from one dimension to another, the greater your level of cognitive flexibility. Cognitive Flexibility is a necessary ingredient in the acquisition of social competency as well as:

• our ability to adapt flexibly to our constantly changing environment

Skill: Perspective Taking: viewing a situation from another’s point of view.

Just Me vs. Thinking of Others (Flexible Thinking): in other words, use me vs. we or me vs. group plan.

When in a group (with one other person), we must consider others in the group or our space.

 Thinking of Others (Flexible Thinking): When I think of others, I adjust my behavior based on what I know, making others feel more comfortable.

 We can get stuck on one idea and not want to change it, even if it's something we want to do. We may think our idea or plan is better than that of others. This type of thinking can cause us to be Just Me.

People who do an excellent job of “Thinking of Others” are considered friendlier. Thinking of Others can help you build relationships. When you think of Others, your peers remain calm and accepting because you can flex and show you are thinking of them.

Strategy:  Redirect your child from Just Me to Thinking of Others. Most social communication and competency skills require flexibility.

A social interaction is a back-and-forth between two or more individuals. This exchange requires flexing. In social groups, there is a continual demand to shift mindsets or flex as the group shifts from one topic of conversation or activity to another.

• Remind your child when thinking of others is required (we plan). Help your child build awareness of when we must shift our mindset.

• Remind your child beforehand that an activity or situation will require flexible thinking, and give them some examples of how they can be flexible.

• This strategy should be frequently used when a Thinking of Others person situation presents itself, such as attending a social outing, play date, party, or team sport. We use this strategy when in a group (a group is more than one person)

• Sharing your thoughts and perspectives on different situations may help your child become more aware of how others have different thoughts and ideas and help you understand how their thoughts may differ.

  • Our family would have exchanges where we would share what we were thinking.

• It is super essential that you allow your child to share their thoughts and needs. This method can always be considered in your coaching.

  • For example, they were taking breaks during a party or gathering. Please help your child plan in advance when they feel that being flexible is very difficult so they can take a break.

Social application: When your child is stuck on Just Me, you explain you are a Thinking of Others Person when:

• You ask what games or things other people might like to play or do. Remind your child everyone likes to be asked.

• You think of other people when cleaning up at home, school, or other places. How can you be a helper?

• When working in a group, you are a Thinking of Others person when you listen to and accept other people's ideas.

• Depending on the situation, it can be easy or hard to be Thinking of Others person. With practice, we begin to 'shift' more frequently.

• It is essential to assure your child/teen that flexing is taking a turn, ensuring they will also have a turn, which will provide predictability for them.

• Your child or teen may need a break or some time to flex better. An exit plan may also be necessary so that when your child or teen is tired, they can feel comfortable saying goodbye.

  • We consistently had preset arranged times to leave, or I would ask my kids to give me a sign when they were tired and ready to go.

 Glossary:

Executive Function is a set of mental processes that have to do with managing oneself and one's resources to achieve a goal and involves mental control and self-regulation:

1.    Working memory governs our ability to retain and manipulate distinct information over short periods.

2.    Cognitive flexibility helps us to sustain or shift attention in response to different demands or to apply different rules in other settings.

3.    Inhibitory control (includes self-control)  enables us to set priorities and resist impulsive actions or responses.

Executive skills resulting from the above three processes:

o   attention/focus: sustained attention is the ability to maintain attention despite distractibility, fatigue, or boredom

o   abstract reasoning/concept formation/saliency determination: the ability to make connections and synthesize and categorize information.

o   emotional regulation/control is the process of recognizing and controlling feelings or reactions to feeling

o   self-monitoring is the ability to monitor and evaluate your performance

o   task initiation is the ability to recognize when to get started on something and begin without procrastinating

o   planning/prioritizing the ability to create steps to reach a goal and to make decisions about what to focus on

o   organization is the ability to create and maintain systems to keep track of information and materials 

 Social Cognition: mental processes in perceiving attending, remembering, thinking about, and making sense of people in the social world (Moscowitz, 2005)

Attention is the cognitive process of selectively concentrating on one thing while ignoring other things. Social understanding is facilitated by effectively attending to different people and subtle cues they generate.

o   joint attention (shared attention): when two individuals attend to the same thing (object, person or experience)

o   social attention: the focus of cognitive process on an individual or group in a mixed setting

Theory of Mind is the ability to attribute mental states, beliefs, intents, desires, emotions, and knowledge to oneself and others, and to understand that others have beliefs, desires, intentions, and perspectives that diffe from one's own:

o   ability to connect emotional states to self and others

o   understanding that others have knowledge, desires, and emotions that may differ from one's own

o   ability to take the perspective of another and modify language accordingly

Emotional Competence refers to the essential social skills to recognize, interpret, and respond constructively to emotions of yourself and others:

o   emotional understanding/emotional intelligence refers to the ability to identify aone'snage one's own emotions, as well as the feelings of others

o   emotional expression is effectively regulating one's emotional state and behavior while focusing attention on salient aspects of the environment and engaging in social interaction

REFERENCES:

Winner, Michelle G. (2016) Social ThinkinKid's Me, Kid's Guidebook to Social Emotional Learning. Santa Clara, CA: Social Thinkingâ Publishing.

Philip D. Zelazo, P. D.  3  Areas of Executive Function. Understood.org. https://www.understood.org/en/learning-thinking-differences/child-learning-disabilities/executive-functioning-issues/types-of-executive-function-skills?_ul=1*1w7rvn5*domain_userid*YW1wLWIyV0U2a3FCUldLVEVzb3ZDZXpWRWc.

Cuncic, A. How to Practice Self-Regulation. verywellmind. March 15, 2019; https://www.verywellmind.com/how-you-can-practice-self-regulation-4163536.

 Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University (2011). BuiBrain'sh” Brain’s “Air Traff" c Control” System: How Early Experiences Shape the Development of Executive Function: Working Paper No. 11. Retrieved from www.developingchild.harvard.edu. 

The National  Center for Learning Disabilities. (2013). Executive Function 101. Retrieved from www.LD.org.

 Meltzer, L.J. (2010). Promoting Executive Function in the Classroom. New York: Guilford Press.

Meltzer, L.J. (Ed). (2007). Executive Function in Education: From theory to practice. New York: Guilford Press.

Atwood, T. (2007). The CompleteAsperger'sAsperger's Syndrome. London, England. Jessica Kingsley Publishers.

 What is Speech? What is Language? Retrieved from https://www.asha.org/public/speech/development/Speech-and-Language.